The thought of having my own lab

When I think about moving back to the home country (which we are planning to do in 1-2 years from now) I think about finding a house, finding a daycare for BlueEyes, shipping our stuff from here, unpacking boxes that we have stored in my parent’s house, helping BlueEyes adjust to living in a different place, etc etc. So it seems comforting to know that I will probably be working as a post-doc in a lab with people that I know(from conferences and from writing a grant together) with equipment that is already there. Dr. BrownEyes and I will be working in the same city, so we can live close to the university. It all seemed to work out perfect (that is, if we find money to support our own salary). But, as I said previously, now there is this TT job in the homecountry that I am applying for. The deadline is Friday and today I am struggling with writing my research statement, after one of the faculty members in my department (not my PI) who I asked for advice gave me lots of good advice, but that meant that I basically am rewriting most of it.

Because there are so few advertised TT jobs in the homecountry, I feel like I HAVE to apply. However, the thought of actually getting the job scares me shitless. Because it would mean that on top of moving an entire family and stuff to the home country, it would also mean finding myself in an empty lab assembling an electrophysiology rig (I have never actually done that!!) and teaching, which I have also never really done by myself. On top of that, this job is in a different city from the other job, so either Dr. BrownEyes or I would have to commute. The idea of having my own lab is fun, but if I actually think about what it would mean I freeze in sheer panic. How on earth do other people do this?

And is this perhaps why so fewwomen apparently apply to TT positions?